Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
