I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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