I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
