uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
