i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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