You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
nutella sex= disaster
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
