I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Boobs speak an international language.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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