her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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