Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
