So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize