I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
