you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want a musical about memes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize