Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
