ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
