It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize