I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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