I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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