Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
