This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
