It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
