Ambien. No doubt about it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
