Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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