dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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