Define "chronic" masturbator.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
