is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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