So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
