my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
