I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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