another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
