R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
