Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
