Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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