Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
