We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
