Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
