census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I believe in your delicious
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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