The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
There's even glitter on my cock...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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