dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize