Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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