Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
