so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
