I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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