She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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