when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
