Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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