she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
bring money and cleavage
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A+ Viking dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
