I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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