I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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