I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
