got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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