no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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