so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
