census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
