I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
