I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
