I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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