Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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