I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
