Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize