Your face is a jimmy john
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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