tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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