I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
