the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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