I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
