Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
