you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
