he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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