How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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