I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
