apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
