I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
