You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
