My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
