Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
