if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
