Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
