Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
