So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
