I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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