Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
