She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
