We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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