I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
