Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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