she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
