hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
