do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
