That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
