Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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