This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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