Don't make out with my wife yet
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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