Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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