Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
