I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
