Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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