The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
