she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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