She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
