we're blogging at a bar
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
