instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize