Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
