i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
