sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize