i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We left the knife in your bed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
