Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
