don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
