Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
