He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
