Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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